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I Was Scared: Difference between revisions
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*''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]'' (2020) | *''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]'' (2020) | ||
==Overview== | ==Overview== | ||
{{Alone liner notes|In May of 2003 I went to my first Vipassana meditation course in the hopes that the technique could melt away the thought patterns that infused my creative process, the self-doubt, the self-criticism, the fear of trying new things, the craving for a reliable formula. One of the first things that came up for me, during my second Vipassana meditation course, in June, sitting in the meditation hall for twelve hours a day for ten days in silence, with nothing but my mind and my memories, was a painful experience I had had fifteen years earlier. 1986-1987, my Junior Year of high school, was the toughest year of my life, in terms of getting hassled, picked on and bullied. That was the year that I had stumbled upon the perfect formula for "doing" my hair (wash, condition, apply several dollops of Dep gel, blow dry whilst scrubbing scalp with palm, then a heavy coat of Aqua Net "Extra Super Hold") and the jocks did not like it one bit. They also did not like the ripped jeans, spandex, chains, spiked wristbands, faux fox tails, and zebra bandanas that my friends and I wore to school every day. Especially, they did not like the music that we liked: Metallica, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Kiss. Scott H. (about twice my body mass) and the others taunted, pushed and shoved us and made us terrified for our physical safety when we had to walk through the halls in between classes. | {{Alone liner notes|In May of 2003 I went to my first Vipassana meditation course in the hopes that the technique could melt away the thought patterns that infused my creative process, the self-doubt, the self-criticism, the fear of trying new things, the craving for a reliable formula. One of the first things that came up for me, during my second Vipassana meditation course, in June, sitting in the meditation hall for twelve hours a day for ten days in silence, with nothing but my mind and my memories, was a painful experience I had had fifteen years earlier. 1986-1987, my Junior Year of high school, was the toughest year of my life, in terms of getting hassled, picked on and bullied. That was the year that I had stumbled upon the perfect formula for "doing" my hair (wash, condition, apply several dollops of Dep gel, blow dry whilst scrubbing scalp with palm, then a heavy coat of Aqua Net "Extra Super Hold") and the jocks did not like it one bit. They also did not like the ripped jeans, spandex, chains, spiked wristbands, faux fox tails, and zebra bandanas that my friends and I wore to school every day. Especially, they did not like the music that we liked: Metallica, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Kiss. Scott H. (about twice my body mass) and the others taunted, pushed and shoved us and made us terrified for our physical safety when we had to walk through the halls in between classes. | ||
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After the Vipassana course in 2003 during which I remembered these events, I happened to be going to my brother's house. When I got there, I sat at the desk in his home office and wrote '''"I Was Scared" (Track 4)'''. | After the Vipassana course in 2003 during which I remembered these events, I happened to be going to my brother's house. When I got there, I sat at the desk in his home office and wrote '''"I Was Scared" (Track 4)'''. | ||
Then I went out to Jimmy's kitchen and told him how sorry I was for not defending him on that occasion in 1987, for letting my fear of physical pain and injury prevent me from helping the little brother that I loved so much. I continued to go on about it for an undue amount of time until finally he said, almost amused, "Let it go." I was so grateful that he said that.}} | Then I went out to Jimmy's kitchen and told him how sorry I was for not defending him on that occasion in 1987, for letting my fear of physical pain and injury prevent me from helping the little brother that I loved so much. I continued to go on about it for an undue amount of time until finally he said, almost amused, "Let it go." I was so grateful that he said that.|''[[Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo]]'', [[Alone II liner notes|liner notes]]}} | ||
"I Was Scared" was rehearsed at various points in [[2003]] and [[2004]], including at [[Office demos|Weezer's rented office space]]. [[Rivers Cuomo]] later rehearsed the song in preparation for the band's [[Make Believe|fifth album]], but is not known to have been rehearsed again once the band entered the studio. In the ''[[Alone II]]'' liner notes, [[Cuomo]] explained that the song was inspired by an experience in high school in which he allowed his brother, [[James Kitts|Jimmy]], to get beaten up in exchange for peace from school bullies. In May [[2003]], Cuomo recalled this incident during a [[Vipassana]] meditation course and later wrote the song during a visit at his brother's house. | |||
==Known recordings== | ==Known recordings== | ||
{{Known recordings header}} | |||
{{ | {{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|05 I Was Scared.mp3|[[2003]]||2:43|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | ||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|06 I Was Scared no tag.mp3|2003||2:17|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|15 I Was Scared.mp3|[[2003]]||2:39|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|18 I Was Scared.mp3|[[2003]]||2:39|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|11 524 I Was Scared.mp3|[[February 20]], [[2004]]|S.I.R. Rehearsal studios, Los Angeles, CA |3:08|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|15 524 I Was Scared 2004-07-05.mp3|[[July 5]], [[2004]]|S.I.R. Rehearsal studios, Los Angeles, CA|3:08|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|I Was Scared (2008 edit).mp3|[[2008]]||3:02|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|i was scared cbmix2.mp3|[[2008]](?)||3:04|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|i was scared cbmix3.mp3|[[2008]](?)||3:00|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared|I WAS SCARED MIX 9.1.mp3|[[2008]](?)||3:03|''[[Alone IX: The Make Believe Years]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings entry|aaffaa|[[Rivers Cuomo]]|I Was Scared||[[2008]]||3:02|''[[Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo]]|}} | |||
{{Known recordings footer}} | |||
==Audio== | ==Audio== | ||
<youtube>5H-X-ryDKXQ</youtube> | <youtube>5H-X-ryDKXQ</youtube> | ||
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*[[Rivers Cuomo]] – lead guitar, lead vocals, percussion, rhythm guitar, bass guitar | *[[Rivers Cuomo]] – lead guitar, lead vocals, percussion, rhythm guitar, bass guitar | ||
==Lyrics== | ==Lyrics== | ||
<poem>Listen to me | <poem>Listen to me, I've got to clear the air | ||
I've got to clear the air | |||
There's something I've held way down deep inside all these years | There's something I've held way down deep inside all these years | ||
You always were a friend | You always were a friend; you always trusted me | ||
But now I must admit that I was not trustworthy | But now I must admit that I was not trustworthy | ||
I let you down | I let you down, I sold you out | ||
I sold you out | |||
I turned away as you fell onto the ground | I turned away as you fell onto the ground | ||
I was scared and I was terrified | |||
I was scared | |||
I was lost and so I shied away | I was lost and so I shied away | ||
And I don't know what I can do to make it up to you | And I don't know what I can do to make it up to you | ||
I can't turn back the clock | I can't turn back the clock, I can't rewrite the book | ||
I can't rewrite the book | But if I could, the end would be happy, you would be safe | ||
But if I could, the end would be happy | |||
And I would be proud to look at you when I look you in the face | And I would be proud to look at you when I look you in the face | ||
I let you down | I let you down, I sold you out | ||
I sold you out | |||
I turned away as you fell onto the ground | I turned away as you fell onto the ground | ||
I was scared, I was terrified | |||
I was scared | |||
I was terrified | |||
I was lost and so I shied away | I was lost and so I shied away | ||
Though I love you | Though I love you I was so afraid | ||
I was so afraid | |||
I could not think of anything to say | I could not think of anything to say | ||
Though I loved you (Though I loved you) | Though I loved you (Though I loved you) | ||
Though I trusted you | Though I trusted you | ||
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And I promise that I'll never ever do | And I promise that I'll never ever do | ||
The thing that I did on that day when I acted like the fool | The thing that I did on that day when I acted like the fool | ||
I might get my ass beat, | I might get my ass beat, my throat slit, and my fingers hacked | ||
But I'll never miss another chance to watch my brother's back (And I got yours) | But I'll never miss another chance to watch my brother's back (And I got yours) | ||
I let you down | I let you down, I sold you out | ||
I sold you out | |||
I turned away as you fell onto the ground | I turned away as you fell onto the ground | ||
I was scared, I was terrified | |||
I was scared | |||
I was terrified | |||
I was lost and so I shied away | I was lost and so I shied away | ||
I was scared | I was scared, I was terrified | ||
I was terrified | |||
I was lost and so I let you down | I was lost and so I let you down | ||
</poem> | </poem> | ||