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"How to Get the Better of Arguements"
Author: Rivers Cuomo
Date: 1982
PETER KITTS 74
Disagreeing is unavoidable. We all have arguements.[sic] And believe it or not, the majority of us would rather not fight. But as long as you can’t get out of it, why not do it in style? This composition is written for those kids who don’t like the younger members of the family getting the better of them. Don’t you think it’s time for YOU to get the better of arguments? If so, listen closely to the tips ahead.
1. What is an Arguement?[sic] –
This is an obvious answer so we’ll just skip it.
2. Lying –
I generally don’t reccomend[sic] lying. Never lie in an arguement.[sic] Say you told your mother your brother broke a vase which you broke. Then evidence points it the other way. Therefore, people will not believe you even if you are telling the truth. Second of all, your punish will be twice as bad as it would have been if you had told the truth. Always think ahead.
3. Getting Your Parents Involved –
My parents never like getting involved in our arguements.[sic] And I rarely use them for my purposes. But if you are winning the fight, and you think you can use them to your advantage, go right ahead. But never let the “younger member” use anyone.
4. Witnesses –
Never use a witness unless you’re sure you know what he/she is going to say or else things might backfire. Think ahead.
5. Physical Action –
I disagree with physical action. It can only get you into more trouble. But when my little brother gets mad, he throws a series of sidearm punches, (none of which hurt in the slightest, of course). To agrivate[sic] him even more, I ask him if he’s done taking a “spaz”. Frustrate your enemy into getting hyper.
6. Keeping Your Cool and Getting Rid of Theirs-
When you argue, keep your voice down. If you yell, you’re apt to get a lump in your throat and cry. This will give him/her/thing the advantage. Act like the arguement[sic] is only secondary in you’re interest.
To get rid of their cool you must aggrivate[sic] them. Call them a spaz-case. Make fun of every little thing they do wrong. Just make sure they get hyper.
7. How to Get Out of an Argument –
This is really easy. Just get them interested in something else. Tell a few . Look at a magazine. The object is to get them of the subject.
With these tips you should come out on top.
Good luck!!!
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