Archive:Main Page April Fools' Day 2023

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Featured article: Thomas Garglechunk

Thomas Garglechunk, born 1827, is known for his percussion in the short-lived but HIGHLY notable side project of Daniel Brummel, The Spindles, in the early 1870s. His drumkit was comprised of two drumsticks with handles whittled to look like cigars, 3 live bass, 3 geese, and an otter.

Garglechunk began his music career banging large sticks on cave walls, creating interesting noises and "sick beats". The drummer first met Brummel (who, at the time, occupied the body of a man named Franklin P. Weatherbottom) after moving to Pasadena in search of coal for his factory. They hit it off, moving into a 1 bedroom, 2 bath house together soon after.

In 1870, after viewing a group of pond creatures singing in unison, Garglechunk and Weatherbottom simultaneously conceived of the idea of forming a band (a then-unheard of concept in America). The two titled the collaboration "The Spindles" and began producing music shortly after. It would only be 6 months before they completed their first full-length album, Sick Flinging in the Dreeb Realm. As neither member owned recording equipment at the time, the album was inscribed onto scrolls and sent by cannon to various locations around North America. It consisted of a single untitled song, which, if performed, lasted approximately 1 hour and 4 minutes. The album received mostly middling reviews.

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Featured song: "Hash Pipe"

"Hash Pipe" is the lead single and third track from Weezer's eponymous 2001 album, The Green Album. It is notable for being the primary tool Weezer utilized to convert their fans into zombie drug slaves.

In 2001, Weezer was plotting to corrupt the minds of the precious youth by exposing them to "hardcore rock and roll" concepts, such as sex and drugs. Thankfully, Mr. T was able to catch word of the events before the worst could happen. After Mr. T heard of their ploy from some local neighborhood kids, he decided it was his destiny to take Weezer down and save the day. After successfully taking out Karl (stopping his attempt to infect the crowd with hash), Mr. T singlehandedly took out every member of Weezer, even to the point of punching Mikey Welsh to Japan. In an act of incredible plot writing, Rivers Cuomo avoided the initial beatings and was able to deploy the hash lever behind Mr. T's back. But of course, Mr. T would never be that stupid. He replaced all of the hash with milk, and enjoyed a healthy glass while beating Cuomo to a pulp.

After coming to terms with their evil doings, and in need of a bassist after their old one got punched to Japan, Mr. T decided to fill in for the rest of the concert, and the rest is history.

You can read the full exhilerating story here.

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On this day... April 1

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Featured image

"Front.jpg", a file uploaded to Weezerpedia in 2011 that contains loadbearing qualities. If this photo is deleted, Weezerpedia falls.
Uploaded by HappyMarc1
October 10, 2011
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Featured quote: Rivers Cuomo, right now. This morning, Rivers began counting down, and hasn't stopped for multiple hours, repeating the phrase "think about that" after every update.

22 hours, 1 minutes, and 26 seconds. Think about that.

-Rivers Cuomo, Mr. Rivers' Neighborhood live camera feed.

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